Works and Worship

Inspired from the story of Mary and Martha, which has been one of my most treasured narratives in Scripture. Let's face it, what woman doesn't identify with a hardworking Martha? Frustrated as she watches her captivated sister sitting at the feet of Jesus. As women our daily activities can consume our days quickly. Our minds and souls become weary and all we really want to do at the end of the day is steal a few quiet moments to ourselves. However some days that seems impossible. We've  all felt the struggle just as Martha, busy cleaning and cooking to prepare the house for guest, Wanting to worship like Mary. Who doesn't admire the loving devotion of Mary? She was fascinated with Jesus' words it drew her in. But the Martha inside each one of us speaks loudly and reminds us that there is too much to be done. Oh no, she didn't!!

Mary is drawn into Jesus even in the midst of all the busyness surrounding her. All she really desires is to sit at His feet and hang on to every word, as she feels her mind and soul being renewed. Sweet Martha, in the other room is busy with all the preparations that must be completed as guest arrive. Longing in her heart to rest at the feet of Jesus but there is just too much to be done. Certainly hospitality was a special gift of Martha's. She was a noble and beloved follower and friend of Jesus.

Luke writes:

Now as they were traveling along. He entered a certain village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. And she had a sister called, Mary, who moreover was listening to the Lord's word, seated at His feet. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him, and said, " Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, " Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." ( Luke 10:38-42)

Ouch!! Martha's complaint sounds naïve and girlish. And yet, Jesus' reply while containing a mild rebuke, has a fatherly tone to it.
Poor Martha, I can totally relate to her disappointment and need to be heard. We all can at times, right?

Having a heart like Mary, intrigues us. We hunger for it deep down inside. There's a calling on all of us to know and love God deeper. A thirst that only His presence can quench. We want to sit at His feet but the busyness of life can seem to swallow us up. The craving for intimacy continues to strum on our heart strings.

But like Martha, there's a part that just can't let go. There's too much to be done. Exhausted, wondering how will I find the time? In what hour of the day. It can seem so out of reach, some days.
Nurturing our spiritual life seems like just one more thing we have to do, another chore or duty to add to the full,' what else needs to be done list.' In a life already spilling over with responsibilities. Oh Martha's sweet heart, aimed to please, enjoyed serving her guest. She too loves Jesus.

Jesus had apparently came at Martha's request. She was the one who welcomed Him in, signifying that she was the actual hostess of ceremonies in their home. She fussed over her hostess duties. She wanted everything to be just right. She's truly a considerate hostess, with admirable traits. As many of you ladies have done when you have hosted a dinner party. In that minute we want everything to be perfect.
It's a beautiful description of how Jesus comes on the scene. He was the perfect houseguest. He immediately makes Himself at home, enjoying the fellowship and conversation. Mary instantly sits herself down at His feet and listens. As Martha went right to work.
Martha and Mary both loved Jesus, Mary longed to soak up all she could while He was with her. She chose not to be distracted by chores. Martha could not agree with this type of serving therefore in her desire to serve, she was missing out on an opportunity to spend time with her guest. Oh beloved, a part of us wants to worship like Mary and sit at the feet of Jesus but there is also a part that is so much like Martha, distracted by the many things in our daily lives that need to be done.

But there is a better part, a good part, as Jesus speaks about in Luke. The good part is available to both Mary and Martha, and to each of us! Regardless of our gifts, talents or personalities. It's a choice we must make.
It isn't "more" He requires. In fact it may be less. We must learn to slow down, stop to smell the roses and allow Him to draw us close as we let go of our busyness and sit at His feet and listen.

Let you soul be soften.

Love,
Tina

Grateful for the Obstacles

So much is happening in my world right now. Wonderful, amazing, challenging and life changing things.  I could say, life is good on most days. I am experiencing a place of achievement, a position which has not been easy to obtain. In fact for so many years I had questioned my ability to take this journey, this unbelievable path that I felt has been paved just for me.  Why, you may ask? Self doubt, insecurity and fear..Yep..all of those negative adjectives have kept me anxious and oppressed particularly in the area of leading, becoming the founder of a non-profit organization that focuses on the horrific topic of trafficking. My passion and love for these survivors has truly flooded my heart to the point of no return but the thoughts of the mind still taunt me. It really is a battle of the mind. Up and down with emotions. One day filled with excitement but another day filled with disappointment. Some days wanting to give up! Oh sweet friends, I know I am not alone! Some of you may be experiencing these battles of the mind too? When we are called to do the impossible, we begin to wonder if is it actually possible?

Our lives are a journey filled will lessons, hardships, heartaches, joys and celebrations. There will be those special moments that will ultimately lead us to our destination. our purposes in life. However the path will not always be smooth. Throughout our travels we will encounter several challenges. Some which will test our strengths, courage, faith and weaknesses. Oh we will surely stumble upon road blocks that will come between the path we are destined to take. But we must stay the course, overcome the obstacles. Many of these obstacles are blessings in disguise only we can't see them at the time.

Throughout this adventure in life, people will give you advice and insight on how to travel your journey, but when it comes right down to it, always follow your heart, having no regrets. Don't hold anything back. Give it all you have with all your heart and most importantly stay true to yourself.

It has often been quoted, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Well, that depends on how one defines the word, "stronger." It can have a different meaning for different people. In this blog, I am referring to stronger as looking back at the person I was and comparing it to the person I am today. I am looking deep into my soul and realizing that the very person I am today couldn't exist if it wasn't for the things that happened in my past or the people whom I've met along the journey.

You see dear ones, everything that happens in our life happens intentionally, but with great grace. And sometimes that means facing heartaches and disappointments in order to experience joy and complete contentment. Coming to a realization that you can do it! It is possible no matter the size of the potholes that occur along the way.

So with these last words being written. I would like to close with this.
Life is more than a journey, it's an unique adventure destined just for us!

Enjoy every step of  it....for it is truly amazing!

Love,
Tina

Heart of Hope

We don't know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have.
Still the truth of these words resonate deep within my soul. A journey down an unknown path would soon be my future. One in which I would travel with more heartache, doubt, fear and pain than I could have ever imagined existed. I was still immature and naïve. But that troublesome road reminds me every day of the absolute truth of God's words spoken to my heart about my unborn child.
"What are you afraid of, Tina?  No matter what happens, I will always be here."
~God~
At the time these words were whispered to me I didn't even know Him. He was a distant God. But his words would soon change my life. As I am writing this the scripture Jeremiah 1:5 keeps reciting itself in my thoughts. "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose."

Many of you have heard my story over the years or at least bits and pieces of it through causal conservation or attending a women's event I have spoken at. Unaware that many of you haven't and  after posting a comment on Facebook yesterday I received several private messages asking what was going on so I decided to share this blog today.
Sometimes I forget myself about the condition my son lives with until its time to see the doctor again....how wonderful is that?  By looking at my son you would never know that the heart that beats inside his chest is precisely a miracle. It is truly all that God said it would be!

So let me start with some facts. My son was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome-(HLHS) 17 years ago. A birth defect that affects normal blood flow through the heart. It is rare and complex. In HLHS, the left side of the heart is critically underdeveloped. When my son was born the left side of his heart couldn't effectively pump blood to his lungs and to the rest of his body. Babies that are born with this heart defect usually are seriously ill (fatal if undetected) soon after birth and require either surgery or a heart transplant.

During a routine ultrasound at 22 weeks (5 months) we were told that our son would be born with this rare heart condition. One that would require immediate action. At this time I was being seen by a high risk doctor for this pregnancy because my daughter whom was born just 5 months earlier with a heart defect called Aortic Coarctation (the narrowing of the aorta) which was undetected even after many trips to her pediatrician during the first week of her life. When she was 10 days old she suddenly went into heart failure and shock. After being transported by ambulance she was admitted into our local children's hospital where they performed emergency heart surgery however she passed away several weeks later due to organ failure. It was one of the hardest and darkest times in my life. She would be 18 years old and no doubt a beautiful young lady, We miss her dearly but know we will hold her in our arms again one day.

Shocked by the news that yet another one of our babies were going to be born extremely sick and with only a 20% chance of survival. Not only were we distraught by this discovery but so were our pediatric cardiologist. We all cried in that room together that day. During that appointment we were advised to consider terminating the pregnancy. Every emotion imaginable how now taken over every part of my being. I honestly can not remember the days that followed however the fear had shaken the very core of my family and their reaction was the same as our doctors.
Numb and immobilized I made that dreaded call to my OB doctor to hear the horrific plans for terminating. While on this call listening to the nurse describe the plans for the procedure. I felt as if someone or something was squeezing the very life from me. I could not catch my breath and I began to feel nauseated, disoriented and immensely light headed, disconnected from the voice I was hearing on the other end of the phone and losing sight of the reality I was facing, as if I was coming to the end of my life. When I hung up the phone, I went crazy! Screaming, ugly crying and punching the air with so much anger. I was home alone during this time. My mother had my two boys with her and my husband was at work. All I remember was hysterically gasping for air, thinking I am dying and no one is here to help me, screaming at the top of my lungs. And these words formed on my lips as I shouted out to an empty room, IF YOU ARE WHO PEOPLE SAY YOU ARE, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BECAUSE I AM DYING HERE!! I wasn't even aware of this moment physically. I had let go of it all, my feet gave way from under me and I slide down the wall and cried uncontrollably, all alone. That's when I heard Him speak, audibly and with great force but with a gentle and loving tone.
"What are you afraid of, Tina? I am here no matter what happens."

In that very moment my tragic situation had shifted. I wiped away my tears and even let out a sudden burst of laugher. Mind you I hadn't laughed in months!!! I couldn't explain what had just taken place on the floor of my kitchen that day but one thing I knew for sure....over the next several months I walked with a determination, peace and hope I had never experienced in my life. During my son's first surgery at CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) which took place only 3 days after he was born. We were witnessing many babies dying on the cardiac floor, ones with the some heart defect as my son's. Parents we had come to know and share our days with. But never once did God allow the fear or doubt to get near me, in fact I carried such a peace that surpasses all my understanding that even the doctors and nurses took notice. I was experiencing the embrace of a Father's love not only for me but also for my son.
Today Solomon is a healthy, thriving teenager with a clean bill of health and hope for a bright future. The road hasn't been an easy one lots of tears, doctors, hospitals, surgeries and procedures. However we haven't travel solo. We are watching our handsome son grow into a fine young man and had I not listened to those precious words that were spoken in my kitchen that day, we would not have had this incredible gift to cherish and adore.
So friends, my hope for you all today is even when life seems unbearable and overwhelming, open your hearts and your ears and listen to that voice of truth. One that brings hope and peace even in the midst of an outrageous storm.

My hope is in Jesus!
Love,
Tina

A Christmas Prayer

This morning I woke up with the sweet thoughts of Christmas and family on my heart. I absolutely love this time of year. I go all out with decorating my home and reminiscing on the memories my family has created together. Not the hustle and bustle but the sounds of laughter and excitement permeate the air and the wonders of Christmas captivate me with a childlike sensation. For me it is the most wonderful time of the year. However there are others who are alone during the holidays living in fear and dread, uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring and the Christmas season is just a reminder of that isolation. Watching families together and friends gathering to take part in the Christmas cheer can be a dagger to the heart.
I have several friends who have shared with me how difficult the holidays are for them. Due to a loss of a family member or life's unpredictable curve balls that have been thrown their way. Many experience a sense of despair despite all the well-wishing they encounter.
Being the founder of an organization that deals with the restoration of sex trafficked victims is a tremendous eye opener to the reality that Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year for many people in fact this could possibly be the most darkest time of the year for those individuals. Amid the jolly songs and festive celebrations, exchanging of gifts with friends and family many victims are crying and dying alone. When we are told that Christmas time should be the happiest time of the year, commercials enforce it, networks broadcast it, displaying an image that Christmas is the opportunity to be joyful and grateful. There are those who will never experience this kind of joy and gratefulness because they are a prisoner trapped in a world we can not imagine.  So what if you are a sex trafficked victim?? How are they to be joyful and grateful during this beautiful Christmas season? Living in dark, dingy hotel rooms, under the control of some else. As prisoners, being told when, what and how things will be done. Having no control or say so. No emotions or passion for life. Just hoping to make it through another day alive. With dreams of one day understanding the true meaning of Christmas with joyful songs upon grateful hearts!
 I guess my reason for writing this blog today is to express my heart and be the voice for these women who we may never know or see. Let's say a prayer today for these precious victims... at Christmas time its hard when we are enjoying our families and celebrating but there is a world outside of ours, that is full of horror and torment. No Christmas trees or Christmas cheer to be enjoyed. But my hope is that they will sense the sweet presence of Jesus even in those dark places..... and to be rescued from the prison that encloses them.


For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called; Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas my dear friends!

Love,
Tina

Free To Be Me

Encouraged by hope, not to be abandoned or forgotten. God promises to take care of me and give me the future I hope for.
If only I had known these words and His promises in my younger days. Oh the comfort it would have supplied in such a dark, despairing place. I spent years of shame hiding under a cheerful mask that would disguise the humiliation I walked around with. Concealing the truth of my emotional state, at times it was hard for me to even recognize it. Feeling alone was my norm, even when I was surrounded by people. Longing for a place to belong even in the midst of a crowd. There always seemed to be this void in my heart, feeling unsure of myself. Fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. Totally uncomfortable in my own skin. But learning to keep it quiet and unseen. Having a deep desire to please everyone but not knowing how, in reality knowing that was just impossible!  I yearned to be loved, accepted and known! Known by whom? (Was a deep rooted question I asked myself quite often)
The emptiness consumed me, loneliness embraced me, choking the very life from me.
As I got older and more independent I discovered that all the hurt and shame that I held onto for so long how now been replaced by bitterness and anger. My heart had hardened and I'd built a wall to keep me in and others out. Knowing I could protect myself from farther damage.
However, ambitious it sounded when playing it out in my head, the sheer reality was that it continued to cause significate wounding. Feeling as if I could control the amount of injury that I would allow to penetrate my soul. Boy, was I mistaken!
As the years went by and life happened, the pain didn't hide itself away as I had hoped it would. In fact it manifested itself through fits of anger and seasons of depression. Those times of depression were some of the darkest moments in my life. Horrible thoughts swallowed me whole during those seasons. Anxiety,apathy,discontentment, guilt, hopelessness,mood swings and sadness had become adjectives to describe me. A prisoner inside my own body and mind. Hurtful actions and causing pain to the very ones who loved me the most and hating myself for it!
I had a quote that I would say during some of my midnight hours.
"I hate having flashbacks from things I don't want to remember." Memories were the death of me. The source of all my self afflicted abuse. There was always a war going on inside my head and trying to "live" while healing from the wounds became another tricky obstacle...one face plant after another! But guess what? I met someone who came into my life and changed the way I thought about myself and He showed me a kindness that wasn't measured by my ability to be "kind" or even "somewhat"  of my life all sorted out, (which it was far from)...
But little by little, day after day, stumble after stumble my shades of grey started to become enhanced with an apparent brightness, I could exactly see colors! I was starting to live from a new place. A place so different from what I had known. One with hope and acceptance. Learning to accept the truth that I wasn't what my "past" said about me, in no way did it define me!
I was seeing "Tina" with a new set of eyes and a new heart and I was beginning to love her! Imagine that! Loving ME!!
Today I am free....I am free from the destruction of my thoughts! I am free to be me and love that girl! I can let go of the past and look forward to the future not because of anything that I have done but everything He has done for me. You see my beloved, I have always been loved and accepted, only I wasn't acquainted with it just yet....sometimes it takes brokenness!
It's hard to believe that all the pain and long suffering I endured could be used for good! I LOVE THIS TRUTH...
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people."
Genesis 50:20....
WOW....who would have thought?

Love,
Tina

Inspired by Love

I woke up this morning inspired by love. Yes a deep love, that roars within me and transcends my thoughts into a place where darkness no longer exist. All that is present is the intoxicating aroma of love. A scent that transforms every part of my being and motivates me to fashion an environment where all sons and daughters soar with great expectation and assurance. Love inspires hope to grow deep within a soul. It will drive out all fear and doubt. Worthlessness and insignificance will flee, leaving a space for significance and value to reside. Establishing hope and inspiring a life overflowing with love! Creating happiness that seemed to never endure!
Those are the words that quench my soul and inspire me...
You are beautiful my God
Only you know my heart and every thought
The look in Your eyes reminds me of the love you have for me. It comforts my soul.
It inspires me...Love is who You are.
You wipe away my tears and calm my every fear
Allowing me to draw near
Seas will rage and waves will crash but love quiets the storms
Love inspires me to look for something good in each day and hints that everyday is a second chance. It reminds me that I was created by the inspiration of love so that I might inspire others to be loved. Love is greater than anything that exist on earth. It's heaven invading the very hearts. Motivated love drives us to do the impossible.
A world consumed by love is my dream this morning and with a vast dream comes an incentive to inspire all those who will listen!

Love,
Tina

Life Is Sweet

It's a cloudy morning here on the Currituck Sound. As I look out over the water I am reminded that a new season is approaching. The water whispers of shorter days and cool evenings, with every ripple the rolls up upon the rocky shore. In spite of trying to hold on tightly to my lazy, summer days. But no matter how hard I try to hold fast of those lengthy, warm days,  it continues to slip away with each passing sunset.
In fact, weeks and months fade away faster than ever these days. Could it be my age?( I did lose a year on my birthday) Or just the busyness of life?  I pondered these thoughts and come to the realization that life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Hopes for greater things and dreams of the future, all while trying to hang on to the yesterdays! I am grateful for every second of every day for I know that life is precious and in a blink of an eye, yesterdays are gone and tomorrows begin. Embracing each moment of joy and overcoming the pain. Life is sweet!
 Watching as my young children grow up, finish elementary school, move on to high school and move out on their own to embark on their own journey through life. Parents and grandparents become older. Birthdays come and go! And for some of us...hmmmmm..maybe it's just me, who may stay a year younger! But life is sweet!
 People have come in and out of my life. Some have stayed longer than others but sometimes I have missed the opportunity to tell them how much they have meant to me. I have appreciated every one of you! Life is sweet!
As I reflect on the days gone by and cling to my precious memories. Whether they were painful, Lord knows I have had many of those occasions in my life. However without those dark days I would not be the woman I am today. They have truly empowered me.
  So many were full of delight. The smiles on the faces of my newborn babies....oh there's nothing sweeter than that! The heavenly words, I love you, spoken from the mouths of babes. Life is sweet!
 My days have been knitted into a grand work of art. Creating a masterpiece within my soul. Bringing life into a new perspective, with each passing day. So as I loosen my grip of my yesterdays, I am not letting go of the depths they have taken me. Indeed those days are no longer present, as a new sunrise peaks its self out from the horizon. Nevertheless I could look forward to the days ahead as the season changes into shorter days and brisk nights because with each new season there is new experiences ahead and new memories awaiting to be made. Life is sweet!

Love,
Tina