We don't know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have.
Still the truth of these words resonate deep within my soul. A journey down an unknown path would soon be my future. One in which I would travel with more heartache, doubt, fear and pain than I could have ever imagined existed. I was still immature and naïve. But that troublesome road reminds me every day of the absolute truth of God's words spoken to my heart about my unborn child.
"What are you afraid of, Tina? No matter what happens, I will always be here."
~God~
At the time these words were whispered to me I didn't even know Him. He was a distant God. But his words would soon change my life. As I am writing this the scripture Jeremiah 1:5 keeps reciting itself in my thoughts. "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose."
Many of you have heard my story over the years or at least bits and pieces of it through causal conservation or attending a women's event I have spoken at. Unaware that many of you haven't and after posting a comment on Facebook yesterday I received several private messages asking what was going on so I decided to share this blog today.
Sometimes I forget myself about the condition my son lives with until its time to see the doctor again....how wonderful is that? By looking at my son you would never know that the heart that beats inside his chest is precisely a miracle. It is truly all that God said it would be!
So let me start with some facts. My son was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome-(HLHS) 17 years ago. A birth defect that affects normal blood flow through the heart. It is rare and complex. In HLHS, the left side of the heart is critically underdeveloped. When my son was born the left side of his heart couldn't effectively pump blood to his lungs and to the rest of his body. Babies that are born with this heart defect usually are seriously ill (fatal if undetected) soon after birth and require either surgery or a heart transplant.
During a routine ultrasound at 22 weeks (5 months) we were told that our son would be born with this rare heart condition. One that would require immediate action. At this time I was being seen by a high risk doctor for this pregnancy because my daughter whom was born just 5 months earlier with a heart defect called Aortic Coarctation (the narrowing of the aorta) which was undetected even after many trips to her pediatrician during the first week of her life. When she was 10 days old she suddenly went into heart failure and shock. After being transported by ambulance she was admitted into our local children's hospital where they performed emergency heart surgery however she passed away several weeks later due to organ failure. It was one of the hardest and darkest times in my life. She would be 18 years old and no doubt a beautiful young lady, We miss her dearly but know we will hold her in our arms again one day.
Shocked by the news that yet another one of our babies were going to be born extremely sick and with only a 20% chance of survival. Not only were we distraught by this discovery but so were our pediatric cardiologist. We all cried in that room together that day. During that appointment we were advised to consider terminating the pregnancy. Every emotion imaginable how now taken over every part of my being. I honestly can not remember the days that followed however the fear had shaken the very core of my family and their reaction was the same as our doctors.
Numb and immobilized I made that dreaded call to my OB doctor to hear the horrific plans for terminating. While on this call listening to the nurse describe the plans for the procedure. I felt as if someone or something was squeezing the very life from me. I could not catch my breath and I began to feel nauseated, disoriented and immensely light headed, disconnected from the voice I was hearing on the other end of the phone and losing sight of the reality I was facing, as if I was coming to the end of my life. When I hung up the phone, I went crazy! Screaming, ugly crying and punching the air with so much anger. I was home alone during this time. My mother had my two boys with her and my husband was at work. All I remember was hysterically gasping for air, thinking I am dying and no one is here to help me, screaming at the top of my lungs. And these words formed on my lips as I shouted out to an empty room, IF YOU ARE WHO PEOPLE SAY YOU ARE, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BECAUSE I AM DYING HERE!! I wasn't even aware of this moment physically. I had let go of it all, my feet gave way from under me and I slide down the wall and cried uncontrollably, all alone. That's when I heard Him speak, audibly and with great force but with a gentle and loving tone.
"What are you afraid of, Tina? I am here no matter what happens."
In that very moment my tragic situation had shifted. I wiped away my tears and even let out a sudden burst of laugher. Mind you I hadn't laughed in months!!! I couldn't explain what had just taken place on the floor of my kitchen that day but one thing I knew for sure....over the next several months I walked with a determination, peace and hope I had never experienced in my life. During my son's first surgery at CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) which took place only 3 days after he was born. We were witnessing many babies dying on the cardiac floor, ones with the some heart defect as my son's. Parents we had come to know and share our days with. But never once did God allow the fear or doubt to get near me, in fact I carried such a peace that surpasses all my understanding that even the doctors and nurses took notice. I was experiencing the embrace of a Father's love not only for me but also for my son.
Today Solomon is a healthy, thriving teenager with a clean bill of health and hope for a bright future. The road hasn't been an easy one lots of tears, doctors, hospitals, surgeries and procedures. However we haven't travel solo. We are watching our handsome son grow into a fine young man and had I not listened to those precious words that were spoken in my kitchen that day, we would not have had this incredible gift to cherish and adore.
So friends, my hope for you all today is even when life seems unbearable and overwhelming, open your hearts and your ears and listen to that voice of truth. One that brings hope and peace even in the midst of an outrageous storm.
My hope is in Jesus!
Love,
Tina
Friday, December 16, 2016
Saturday, December 10, 2016
A Christmas Prayer
This morning I woke up with the sweet thoughts of Christmas and family on my heart. I absolutely love this time of year. I go all out with decorating my home and reminiscing on the memories my family has created together. Not the hustle and bustle but the sounds of laughter and excitement permeate the air and the wonders of Christmas captivate me with a childlike sensation. For me it is the most wonderful time of the year. However there are others who are alone during the holidays living in fear and dread, uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring and the Christmas season is just a reminder of that isolation. Watching families together and friends gathering to take part in the Christmas cheer can be a dagger to the heart.
I have several friends who have shared with me how difficult the holidays are for them. Due to a loss of a family member or life's unpredictable curve balls that have been thrown their way. Many experience a sense of despair despite all the well-wishing they encounter.
Being the founder of an organization that deals with the restoration of sex trafficked victims is a tremendous eye opener to the reality that Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year for many people in fact this could possibly be the most darkest time of the year for those individuals. Amid the jolly songs and festive celebrations, exchanging of gifts with friends and family many victims are crying and dying alone. When we are told that Christmas time should be the happiest time of the year, commercials enforce it, networks broadcast it, displaying an image that Christmas is the opportunity to be joyful and grateful. There are those who will never experience this kind of joy and gratefulness because they are a prisoner trapped in a world we can not imagine. So what if you are a sex trafficked victim?? How are they to be joyful and grateful during this beautiful Christmas season? Living in dark, dingy hotel rooms, under the control of some else. As prisoners, being told when, what and how things will be done. Having no control or say so. No emotions or passion for life. Just hoping to make it through another day alive. With dreams of one day understanding the true meaning of Christmas with joyful songs upon grateful hearts!
I guess my reason for writing this blog today is to express my heart and be the voice for these women who we may never know or see. Let's say a prayer today for these precious victims... at Christmas time its hard when we are enjoying our families and celebrating but there is a world outside of ours, that is full of horror and torment. No Christmas trees or Christmas cheer to be enjoyed. But my hope is that they will sense the sweet presence of Jesus even in those dark places..... and to be rescued from the prison that encloses them.
For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called; Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6
Merry Christmas my dear friends!
Love,
Tina
I have several friends who have shared with me how difficult the holidays are for them. Due to a loss of a family member or life's unpredictable curve balls that have been thrown their way. Many experience a sense of despair despite all the well-wishing they encounter.
Being the founder of an organization that deals with the restoration of sex trafficked victims is a tremendous eye opener to the reality that Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year for many people in fact this could possibly be the most darkest time of the year for those individuals. Amid the jolly songs and festive celebrations, exchanging of gifts with friends and family many victims are crying and dying alone. When we are told that Christmas time should be the happiest time of the year, commercials enforce it, networks broadcast it, displaying an image that Christmas is the opportunity to be joyful and grateful. There are those who will never experience this kind of joy and gratefulness because they are a prisoner trapped in a world we can not imagine. So what if you are a sex trafficked victim?? How are they to be joyful and grateful during this beautiful Christmas season? Living in dark, dingy hotel rooms, under the control of some else. As prisoners, being told when, what and how things will be done. Having no control or say so. No emotions or passion for life. Just hoping to make it through another day alive. With dreams of one day understanding the true meaning of Christmas with joyful songs upon grateful hearts!
I guess my reason for writing this blog today is to express my heart and be the voice for these women who we may never know or see. Let's say a prayer today for these precious victims... at Christmas time its hard when we are enjoying our families and celebrating but there is a world outside of ours, that is full of horror and torment. No Christmas trees or Christmas cheer to be enjoyed. But my hope is that they will sense the sweet presence of Jesus even in those dark places..... and to be rescued from the prison that encloses them.
For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called; Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6
Merry Christmas my dear friends!
Love,
Tina
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Free To Be Me
Encouraged by hope, not to be abandoned or forgotten. God promises to take care of me and give me the future I hope for.
If only I had known these words and His promises in my younger days. Oh the comfort it would have supplied in such a dark, despairing place. I spent years of shame hiding under a cheerful mask that would disguise the humiliation I walked around with. Concealing the truth of my emotional state, at times it was hard for me to even recognize it. Feeling alone was my norm, even when I was surrounded by people. Longing for a place to belong even in the midst of a crowd. There always seemed to be this void in my heart, feeling unsure of myself. Fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. Totally uncomfortable in my own skin. But learning to keep it quiet and unseen. Having a deep desire to please everyone but not knowing how, in reality knowing that was just impossible! I yearned to be loved, accepted and known! Known by whom? (Was a deep rooted question I asked myself quite often)
The emptiness consumed me, loneliness embraced me, choking the very life from me.
As I got older and more independent I discovered that all the hurt and shame that I held onto for so long how now been replaced by bitterness and anger. My heart had hardened and I'd built a wall to keep me in and others out. Knowing I could protect myself from farther damage.
However, ambitious it sounded when playing it out in my head, the sheer reality was that it continued to cause significate wounding. Feeling as if I could control the amount of injury that I would allow to penetrate my soul. Boy, was I mistaken!
As the years went by and life happened, the pain didn't hide itself away as I had hoped it would. In fact it manifested itself through fits of anger and seasons of depression. Those times of depression were some of the darkest moments in my life. Horrible thoughts swallowed me whole during those seasons. Anxiety,apathy,discontentment, guilt, hopelessness,mood swings and sadness had become adjectives to describe me. A prisoner inside my own body and mind. Hurtful actions and causing pain to the very ones who loved me the most and hating myself for it!
I had a quote that I would say during some of my midnight hours.
"I hate having flashbacks from things I don't want to remember." Memories were the death of me. The source of all my self afflicted abuse. There was always a war going on inside my head and trying to "live" while healing from the wounds became another tricky obstacle...one face plant after another! But guess what? I met someone who came into my life and changed the way I thought about myself and He showed me a kindness that wasn't measured by my ability to be "kind" or even "somewhat" of my life all sorted out, (which it was far from)...
But little by little, day after day, stumble after stumble my shades of grey started to become enhanced with an apparent brightness, I could exactly see colors! I was starting to live from a new place. A place so different from what I had known. One with hope and acceptance. Learning to accept the truth that I wasn't what my "past" said about me, in no way did it define me!
I was seeing "Tina" with a new set of eyes and a new heart and I was beginning to love her! Imagine that! Loving ME!!
Today I am free....I am free from the destruction of my thoughts! I am free to be me and love that girl! I can let go of the past and look forward to the future not because of anything that I have done but everything He has done for me. You see my beloved, I have always been loved and accepted, only I wasn't acquainted with it just yet....sometimes it takes brokenness!
It's hard to believe that all the pain and long suffering I endured could be used for good! I LOVE THIS TRUTH...
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people."
Genesis 50:20....
WOW....who would have thought?
Love,
Tina
If only I had known these words and His promises in my younger days. Oh the comfort it would have supplied in such a dark, despairing place. I spent years of shame hiding under a cheerful mask that would disguise the humiliation I walked around with. Concealing the truth of my emotional state, at times it was hard for me to even recognize it. Feeling alone was my norm, even when I was surrounded by people. Longing for a place to belong even in the midst of a crowd. There always seemed to be this void in my heart, feeling unsure of myself. Fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. Totally uncomfortable in my own skin. But learning to keep it quiet and unseen. Having a deep desire to please everyone but not knowing how, in reality knowing that was just impossible! I yearned to be loved, accepted and known! Known by whom? (Was a deep rooted question I asked myself quite often)
The emptiness consumed me, loneliness embraced me, choking the very life from me.
As I got older and more independent I discovered that all the hurt and shame that I held onto for so long how now been replaced by bitterness and anger. My heart had hardened and I'd built a wall to keep me in and others out. Knowing I could protect myself from farther damage.
However, ambitious it sounded when playing it out in my head, the sheer reality was that it continued to cause significate wounding. Feeling as if I could control the amount of injury that I would allow to penetrate my soul. Boy, was I mistaken!
As the years went by and life happened, the pain didn't hide itself away as I had hoped it would. In fact it manifested itself through fits of anger and seasons of depression. Those times of depression were some of the darkest moments in my life. Horrible thoughts swallowed me whole during those seasons. Anxiety,apathy,discontentment, guilt, hopelessness,mood swings and sadness had become adjectives to describe me. A prisoner inside my own body and mind. Hurtful actions and causing pain to the very ones who loved me the most and hating myself for it!
I had a quote that I would say during some of my midnight hours.
"I hate having flashbacks from things I don't want to remember." Memories were the death of me. The source of all my self afflicted abuse. There was always a war going on inside my head and trying to "live" while healing from the wounds became another tricky obstacle...one face plant after another! But guess what? I met someone who came into my life and changed the way I thought about myself and He showed me a kindness that wasn't measured by my ability to be "kind" or even "somewhat" of my life all sorted out, (which it was far from)...
But little by little, day after day, stumble after stumble my shades of grey started to become enhanced with an apparent brightness, I could exactly see colors! I was starting to live from a new place. A place so different from what I had known. One with hope and acceptance. Learning to accept the truth that I wasn't what my "past" said about me, in no way did it define me!
I was seeing "Tina" with a new set of eyes and a new heart and I was beginning to love her! Imagine that! Loving ME!!
Today I am free....I am free from the destruction of my thoughts! I am free to be me and love that girl! I can let go of the past and look forward to the future not because of anything that I have done but everything He has done for me. You see my beloved, I have always been loved and accepted, only I wasn't acquainted with it just yet....sometimes it takes brokenness!
It's hard to believe that all the pain and long suffering I endured could be used for good! I LOVE THIS TRUTH...
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people."
Genesis 50:20....
WOW....who would have thought?
Love,
Tina
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Inspired by Love
I woke up this morning inspired by love. Yes a deep love, that roars within me and transcends my thoughts into a place where darkness no longer exist. All that is present is the intoxicating aroma of love. A scent that transforms every part of my being and motivates me to fashion an environment where all sons and daughters soar with great expectation and assurance. Love inspires hope to grow deep within a soul. It will drive out all fear and doubt. Worthlessness and insignificance will flee, leaving a space for significance and value to reside. Establishing hope and inspiring a life overflowing with love! Creating happiness that seemed to never endure!
Those are the words that quench my soul and inspire me...
You are beautiful my God
Only you know my heart and every thought
The look in Your eyes reminds me of the love you have for me. It comforts my soul.
It inspires me...Love is who You are.
You wipe away my tears and calm my every fear
Allowing me to draw near
Seas will rage and waves will crash but love quiets the storms
Love inspires me to look for something good in each day and hints that everyday is a second chance. It reminds me that I was created by the inspiration of love so that I might inspire others to be loved. Love is greater than anything that exist on earth. It's heaven invading the very hearts. Motivated love drives us to do the impossible.
A world consumed by love is my dream this morning and with a vast dream comes an incentive to inspire all those who will listen!
Tina
Those are the words that quench my soul and inspire me...
You are beautiful my God
Only you know my heart and every thought
The look in Your eyes reminds me of the love you have for me. It comforts my soul.
It inspires me...Love is who You are.
You wipe away my tears and calm my every fear
Allowing me to draw near
Seas will rage and waves will crash but love quiets the storms
Love inspires me to look for something good in each day and hints that everyday is a second chance. It reminds me that I was created by the inspiration of love so that I might inspire others to be loved. Love is greater than anything that exist on earth. It's heaven invading the very hearts. Motivated love drives us to do the impossible.
A world consumed by love is my dream this morning and with a vast dream comes an incentive to inspire all those who will listen!
Tina
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Life Is Sweet
It's a cloudy morning here on the Currituck Sound. As I look out over the water I am reminded that a new season is approaching. The water whispers of shorter days and cool evenings, with every ripple the rolls up upon the rocky shore. In spite of trying to hold on tightly to my lazy, summer days. But no matter how hard I try to hold fast of those lengthy, warm days, it continues to slip away with each passing sunset.
In fact, weeks and months fade away faster than ever these days. Could it be my age?( I did lose a year on my birthday) Or just the busyness of life? I pondered these thoughts and come to the realization that life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Hopes for greater things and dreams of the future, all while trying to hang on to the yesterdays! I am grateful for every second of every day for I know that life is precious and in a blink of an eye, yesterdays are gone and tomorrows begin. Embracing each moment of joy and overcoming the pain. Life is sweet!
Watching as my young children grow up, finish elementary school, move on to high school and move out on their own to embark on their own journey through life. Parents and grandparents become older. Birthdays come and go! And for some of us...hmmmmm..maybe it's just me, who may stay a year younger! But life is sweet!
People have come in and out of my life. Some have stayed longer than others but sometimes I have missed the opportunity to tell them how much they have meant to me. I have appreciated every one of you! Life is sweet!
As I reflect on the days gone by and cling to my precious memories. Whether they were painful, Lord knows I have had many of those occasions in my life. However without those dark days I would not be the woman I am today. They have truly empowered me.
So many were full of delight. The smiles on the faces of my newborn babies....oh there's nothing sweeter than that! The heavenly words, I love you, spoken from the mouths of babes. Life is sweet!
My days have been knitted into a grand work of art. Creating a masterpiece within my soul. Bringing life into a new perspective, with each passing day. So as I loosen my grip of my yesterdays, I am not letting go of the depths they have taken me. Indeed those days are no longer present, as a new sunrise peaks its self out from the horizon. Nevertheless I could look forward to the days ahead as the season changes into shorter days and brisk nights because with each new season there is new experiences ahead and new memories awaiting to be made. Life is sweet!
Love,
Tina
In fact, weeks and months fade away faster than ever these days. Could it be my age?( I did lose a year on my birthday) Or just the busyness of life? I pondered these thoughts and come to the realization that life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Hopes for greater things and dreams of the future, all while trying to hang on to the yesterdays! I am grateful for every second of every day for I know that life is precious and in a blink of an eye, yesterdays are gone and tomorrows begin. Embracing each moment of joy and overcoming the pain. Life is sweet!
Watching as my young children grow up, finish elementary school, move on to high school and move out on their own to embark on their own journey through life. Parents and grandparents become older. Birthdays come and go! And for some of us...hmmmmm..maybe it's just me, who may stay a year younger! But life is sweet!
People have come in and out of my life. Some have stayed longer than others but sometimes I have missed the opportunity to tell them how much they have meant to me. I have appreciated every one of you! Life is sweet!
As I reflect on the days gone by and cling to my precious memories. Whether they were painful, Lord knows I have had many of those occasions in my life. However without those dark days I would not be the woman I am today. They have truly empowered me.
So many were full of delight. The smiles on the faces of my newborn babies....oh there's nothing sweeter than that! The heavenly words, I love you, spoken from the mouths of babes. Life is sweet!
My days have been knitted into a grand work of art. Creating a masterpiece within my soul. Bringing life into a new perspective, with each passing day. So as I loosen my grip of my yesterdays, I am not letting go of the depths they have taken me. Indeed those days are no longer present, as a new sunrise peaks its self out from the horizon. Nevertheless I could look forward to the days ahead as the season changes into shorter days and brisk nights because with each new season there is new experiences ahead and new memories awaiting to be made. Life is sweet!
Love,
Tina
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Speak with Splendor
Words of wisdom, words of love, words of encouragement to fill them up.
Words can hurt and humiliate. Words can crush and even break.
A soul, spirit and human race. Careful beloved with the words you choose.
Words spoken should be few....Love thy neighbor above all else.
Words are loving, kind and just. Words of caring are a must.
Seek the Lord for His ways. Patient, meek and self-control.
Lives that reflect this, words will say!
I absolutely LOVE words! I will spend hours looking up new ones and their definitions. Ohhhhh...how I love the synonyms of words!
What I love most about words are that we use them to communicate with people everyday. Our words are a true reflection of our deepest beliefs, convictions and emotions. Words can tell our story! They have the power to create life or bring death depending on how we choose to use them. We can encourage, enlighten, empower and educate. Words have that much power! However words can also have an opposite effect. They can be used to damage someone. The old saying, " Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" couldn't be farther from the truth. Words can cut deeply and leave lasting wounds upon a person's heart. Wounding words can come from people we hardly know and from ones we love. Words can leave us feeling insecure about ourselves.
As I have ministered with several women over the years I have witnessed the effect of hurtful words spoken over a person's life. In more ways than one the use of destructive words has left painfully lasting marks. Some of those precious gals have dealt with drug, alcohol and sexual abuse to cope with the ways they feel about themselves. Others have created a wall around their hearts to keep everyone out," pretending all is good" all the while keeping themselves totally guarded from letting themselves out. I can relate to this myself as I am sure many of you reading this can as well in some degree. Women seem to deal with this more often than men. The Bible tells us that there is death and life in the power of our tongue. Proverbs 18:21
So many choose to use their words to destroy. It's heartbreaking and destructive!
Our words are meant to bring life. They are used to express ourselves to others. Words are amazingly beautiful when shared with the people around us. Without the use of words we would be silent and alone.
I would like to share these quote I came across this morning.
If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful?
Ouch!!!!!...ponder on that a few minutes, my sweet friends. The Lord hears every word we speak even when others don't. I am guilty of speaking words to my loved ones that have been hurtful and has left me feeling horrible. I want my words to produce life and bring hope to everyone around me especially the ones I love so dearly. Every time I put my words together is an opportunity to make something beautiful!
So today my dear ones I will choose my words wisely and bring about life to those I encounter!
Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other. treating each other with dignity and honor. James 3:17-18
Love,
Tina
Thursday, March 24, 2016
My First Love
Do you remember your first love? The way it made you feel about yourself. Was it a nurturing relationship or was it an unhealthy one? They say that first love is the deepest and in some ways I can believe that to be true. The depth of first love can be all-consuming. Taking over our thoughts and emotions. Our first love often times become the standard that all future loves are measured against. If our first love was unhealthy it may have damaged our self-worth and ability to receive love. We may find that our identity is based off of which we have gained from our "so called lover or provider" and can cause a negative impact on our relationships!
I know all to well how this can affect your perspective on future relationships. As a result of unhealthy relationships I struggled with my identity of loving and being worthy of love. It was hard for me to give or receive love in a healthy way because as a young girl I felt unloved and subconsciously I harbored resentment. My relationships were one of desperation for acceptance and a need to be loved and as a result I unknowingly sacrificed myself at all cost to have someone "love" me. In all reality I longed for the love of a father which was a void in my life.
Beloved, the struggle is real! Looking for love it all the wrong places had lead me down very dark and destructive roads. Feeling so alone even when surrounded by many people. I felt empty and even struggled with seasons of depression. I lacked self-love, self-worth, and self- acceptance. Oh and the shame that partnered with these feelings was the worst. Afraid that others would see the" ugly truth" that consumed me. I hid it well, in fact so well that I, myself couldn't see it anymore! As a result of the empty void that dominated my soul I was constantly in and out of relationships from a very young age. With each break up and rejection I lost a little bit more of myself! Unfortunately this cycle continued into my adult years and remained a huge obstacle in every area of my life which ultimately created a deep crater of wounds upon my heart. Until that glorious day that I met and experienced the true love of a Father. Truthfully, in my pain God had always been close to me and I didn't even realize it.
The love of a Father, there is truly nothing like it. It changes hearts, circumstances, brings hope and heals all wounds. It empowers lives! It has empowered mine. He is and should be the example of our first love. "For God so loved the world." Yep, that includes you and me, my friend. I know it can be how to fathom when you have felt forsaken by the ones who are suppose to love you well. My dears, He desires to be our first love. The One who wants to wipe away every tear and heal every hurt. The One who's heart breaks because our hearts are broken. The One who stretched out His arms of love and died for us.
Our Father will turn every tear we've cried into joy, and use our deep pains for a divine purpose. We can't hide our hurts from Him because he knows everything about us! My dear ones, He is the only one that can handle our rejection, shame and hurts. Only God can restore us to wholeness again. We don't have to earn His love, we have always had it! He longs to see us set free from searching for love in all the wrong places.
Therefore we are free! Free to love ourselves despite our past relationships. We are designed to love and be loved unconditionally and abundantly.
So don't forget your first love! Encounter LOVE AND LET IT BE ALL-CONSUMING! Rejection and all.......
I know all to well how this can affect your perspective on future relationships. As a result of unhealthy relationships I struggled with my identity of loving and being worthy of love. It was hard for me to give or receive love in a healthy way because as a young girl I felt unloved and subconsciously I harbored resentment. My relationships were one of desperation for acceptance and a need to be loved and as a result I unknowingly sacrificed myself at all cost to have someone "love" me. In all reality I longed for the love of a father which was a void in my life.
Beloved, the struggle is real! Looking for love it all the wrong places had lead me down very dark and destructive roads. Feeling so alone even when surrounded by many people. I felt empty and even struggled with seasons of depression. I lacked self-love, self-worth, and self- acceptance. Oh and the shame that partnered with these feelings was the worst. Afraid that others would see the" ugly truth" that consumed me. I hid it well, in fact so well that I, myself couldn't see it anymore! As a result of the empty void that dominated my soul I was constantly in and out of relationships from a very young age. With each break up and rejection I lost a little bit more of myself! Unfortunately this cycle continued into my adult years and remained a huge obstacle in every area of my life which ultimately created a deep crater of wounds upon my heart. Until that glorious day that I met and experienced the true love of a Father. Truthfully, in my pain God had always been close to me and I didn't even realize it.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18
The love of a Father, there is truly nothing like it. It changes hearts, circumstances, brings hope and heals all wounds. It empowers lives! It has empowered mine. He is and should be the example of our first love. "For God so loved the world." Yep, that includes you and me, my friend. I know it can be how to fathom when you have felt forsaken by the ones who are suppose to love you well. My dears, He desires to be our first love. The One who wants to wipe away every tear and heal every hurt. The One who's heart breaks because our hearts are broken. The One who stretched out His arms of love and died for us.
Our Father will turn every tear we've cried into joy, and use our deep pains for a divine purpose. We can't hide our hurts from Him because he knows everything about us! My dear ones, He is the only one that can handle our rejection, shame and hurts. Only God can restore us to wholeness again. We don't have to earn His love, we have always had it! He longs to see us set free from searching for love in all the wrong places.
Therefore we are free! Free to love ourselves despite our past relationships. We are designed to love and be loved unconditionally and abundantly.
So don't forget your first love! Encounter LOVE AND LET IT BE ALL-CONSUMING! Rejection and all.......
We love him, because he first loved us. 1John 4:19
Love,
Tina
Friday, March 18, 2016
A Fresh Morning
Mornings are the best time, in my opinion. The light of a new day holds so many possibilities. Even the sounds sing hope! Birds chirping, the sun peeking out to greet you and the stillness that surrounds the sunrise. It's a time to reflect on new opportunities, letting go of yesterdays hurts, disappointments, overwhelming schedules and looking ahead to new beginnings. A brand new pencil on an empty page. After all it's our story!
New days are unique gifts that the Father lavishes upon us which empowers us with fresh strength and brand-new thoughts. They create opportunities for us to change something in our lives. A chance to heal, a chance to love and a chance to forgive. Don't be afraid to embrace it, my beloved. Rise up and move forward, let yesterday go and start today like it's the very first day of your life!
How is life treating you? Frazzled? For me some days seem to suck the life right out of my lungs. Those days I feel physically and emotionally depleted. Or should I dare to say, done for! Like being ran over by a herd of elephants! Running my own business, heading up a ministry, being a wife and a mother, taxi driver and all the above, can definitely be too much to deal with at times. I become cranky and frustrated with the many demands that my life consist of day after day. Somedays it becomes so overwhelming that it's difficult to be grateful and satisfied.
In fact, there are days I find it hard to even think about having to wake up in the morning and doing it all again. Can I get an amen or is it just me?!? I call this, "Groundhog Day." You remember the 1993 movie where Bill Murray is caught in a personal time warp on the worst day of his life. He wakes each morning with the same day over and over again. Do you ever have deja vu?? Sound familiar, friends? Well, the good news is, that we don't have to have a repeat of the day before! You don't have to relive groundhog day beacause our joy comes in the morning.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
Life can be tough. no doubt! Days can be long and difficult. Things go wrong but things will always get better. You may be in a storm right now but it can't rain forever. Let those times of hardship help you to appreciate the good times and look forward to a new day. A fresh start. God is there waiting to meet with you. So don't start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. It's time to let go, renew your thoughts and look ahead to greater things. Let's get excited about today, it's our brand new day! Together we can learn more about ourselves, more about others. We can laugh more than we did yesterday. Accomplish more than we ever thought possible and be more than we were before! We are tougher than we ever imagined we could be.
So shine on, you beautiful daughters! Shine On........ Today is your new day!
His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23
New days are unique gifts that the Father lavishes upon us which empowers us with fresh strength and brand-new thoughts. They create opportunities for us to change something in our lives. A chance to heal, a chance to love and a chance to forgive. Don't be afraid to embrace it, my beloved. Rise up and move forward, let yesterday go and start today like it's the very first day of your life!
How is life treating you? Frazzled? For me some days seem to suck the life right out of my lungs. Those days I feel physically and emotionally depleted. Or should I dare to say, done for! Like being ran over by a herd of elephants! Running my own business, heading up a ministry, being a wife and a mother, taxi driver and all the above, can definitely be too much to deal with at times. I become cranky and frustrated with the many demands that my life consist of day after day. Somedays it becomes so overwhelming that it's difficult to be grateful and satisfied.
In fact, there are days I find it hard to even think about having to wake up in the morning and doing it all again. Can I get an amen or is it just me?!? I call this, "Groundhog Day." You remember the 1993 movie where Bill Murray is caught in a personal time warp on the worst day of his life. He wakes each morning with the same day over and over again. Do you ever have deja vu?? Sound familiar, friends? Well, the good news is, that we don't have to have a repeat of the day before! You don't have to relive groundhog day beacause our joy comes in the morning.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
Life can be tough. no doubt! Days can be long and difficult. Things go wrong but things will always get better. You may be in a storm right now but it can't rain forever. Let those times of hardship help you to appreciate the good times and look forward to a new day. A fresh start. God is there waiting to meet with you. So don't start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. It's time to let go, renew your thoughts and look ahead to greater things. Let's get excited about today, it's our brand new day! Together we can learn more about ourselves, more about others. We can laugh more than we did yesterday. Accomplish more than we ever thought possible and be more than we were before! We are tougher than we ever imagined we could be.
So shine on, you beautiful daughters! Shine On........ Today is your new day!
His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23
Love,
Tina
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Sometimes You Just Need To Stop And Listen
Are you the planner type? You know the ones..calendar in hand, pen behind the ear. They have their days planned out months in advance, list of to do's and a sense of accomplishment. Now don't take this the wrong way my lovelies.Of course it's important for us to have our life in some sort of order, right?? If not we would all be "hot messes." After all, we have appointments that need to be scheduled, deadlines to meet, kids to pick up, groceries to buy, phone calls to make. Alright, you get my point! I, myself am a planner. In fact I have two daily planners! Because life can be pretty busy....(I need a nap just thinking about it) But what happens when God comes along and erases some of our plans and begins to write His own on the pages. We may begin to panic and even sweat a little. We may find that we lose some of our control, which may make us simply uncomfortable.
Well, right now, God is writing his plans on the lines of my calendar and some of those plans make me extremely uncomfortable. Some days seem a lot harder to wait and listen, however I have come to realize that this is quite common when you are moving through life with God. I must admit I am not one who waits easily. Sitting still can be rather difficult especially when my mind is racing with thoughts and new ideas and I glance down at my calendar to see a week full of activities. Most of the time I am out of the gate before the whistle blows. Full steam ahead! Surely God knows this about His daughter and can understand why this can be so difficult for me after all this is how he fashioned me.....creative, always planning and ready to take on the world! A true visionary with big plans and God size dreams!
Waiting can seem like a life time. We can become frustrated and weary waiting on direction. "God, I need a plan!" Now becomes the cry of your heart. Little do we know, in that very moment that behind the scene God is putting things in motion, his way. The only way he can! In the midst of some of my temper tantrums (yes, I have had quite a few of those on occasions. I knew that's hard for y'all to imagine but it's true..hahaha) God quiets my soul and my thoughts so that He can speak deeper to my heart. And clear a path for rest and stillness.
You see girls, we don't have to have it all figured out, hour by hour. Stressing, worrying and fearing...all these emotions will just create an atmosphere of chaos and a sense of being overwhelmed with life. But if we listen and wait on the direction of our Father, in our time of waiting, we develop the art of patience, trust and rest. Our Father knows all things and is constantly working them together for our good and knitting every detail into place. I am so grateful for these times of stillness in my life. Even though I may fight it in the beginning. It is so worth it in the end!
So put down your "To Do" list and let God write out your plans today!
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9
I also just love this scripture in Psalms.
I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart. Psalm 40:8
Love,
Tina
Well, right now, God is writing his plans on the lines of my calendar and some of those plans make me extremely uncomfortable. Some days seem a lot harder to wait and listen, however I have come to realize that this is quite common when you are moving through life with God. I must admit I am not one who waits easily. Sitting still can be rather difficult especially when my mind is racing with thoughts and new ideas and I glance down at my calendar to see a week full of activities. Most of the time I am out of the gate before the whistle blows. Full steam ahead! Surely God knows this about His daughter and can understand why this can be so difficult for me after all this is how he fashioned me.....creative, always planning and ready to take on the world! A true visionary with big plans and God size dreams!
Waiting can seem like a life time. We can become frustrated and weary waiting on direction. "God, I need a plan!" Now becomes the cry of your heart. Little do we know, in that very moment that behind the scene God is putting things in motion, his way. The only way he can! In the midst of some of my temper tantrums (yes, I have had quite a few of those on occasions. I knew that's hard for y'all to imagine but it's true..hahaha) God quiets my soul and my thoughts so that He can speak deeper to my heart. And clear a path for rest and stillness.
You see girls, we don't have to have it all figured out, hour by hour. Stressing, worrying and fearing...all these emotions will just create an atmosphere of chaos and a sense of being overwhelmed with life. But if we listen and wait on the direction of our Father, in our time of waiting, we develop the art of patience, trust and rest. Our Father knows all things and is constantly working them together for our good and knitting every detail into place. I am so grateful for these times of stillness in my life. Even though I may fight it in the beginning. It is so worth it in the end!
So put down your "To Do" list and let God write out your plans today!
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9
I also just love this scripture in Psalms.
I take joy in doing your will, my God, for your instructions are written on my heart. Psalm 40:8
Love,
Tina
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